My First Hydrostatic Weighing

Posted by Squad Leader on

My First Hydrostatic Weighing

I don’t know what got into me, but I guess just I got curious. I called and scheduled a hydrostatic weighing last week at the University Exercise Physiology Lab. If you don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, you can read this.

It was my first time. Certainly knowing my body fat percentage number could help me explain why my asscheeks look like a bowl of cottage cheese with stretch marks.

The University Sports Complex building still smelled like it did when I went to college over 10 years ago; like armpits and chlorine. It was a warm, humid, sweaty jungle in there.

When I got to the lab, they got right to work taking my height and weight with my clothes on. I was tall that day at nearly 5’5” and I weighed in at 130.5 lbs.

Then they took me into a room where I had to breath all my air from my lungs out into a black balloon with a plastic mouthpiece on it that was hooked to a computer. I suppose air makes you seem fat in this test, which is why you have to get rid of it.  When I scheduled, the lady had told me that air gas would be my worst enemy during the exam, so naturally I took a hefty dose of Gas-X that morning. You can never be too careful with these body fat tests. She also asked me not to eat for at least 4 hours before the measurement.

So anyway, I breathed out violently into the balloon as the staff cheered me on. I kind of felt like I was giving birth and they were coaching me on the breathing exercises. They even had me lean over like I had just been punched in the stomach.

The next part of the test was the good part. After I took my naked weight and put a swim suit on, I got dunked (crouched down with my head under) into a tub of water while I breathed out all my air so they could measure my fat accurately. It was so nice. Like the Baptism into Athleticism.  And the holy water was warm. I did that about three times and then it was over. I suppose I was only underwater for about 20 seconds each time until the lab techs stopped seeing bubbles and gave me the signal to come up.

So I dried off and got dressed and waited for my results. When they came into the room with the results, I got kind of nervous like I was getting the results of an STD test. I mean, I basically know I don’t have an STD, but there’s always that worry in the back of my head that maybe in the off chance…..

My results showed that I am composed of 22.3% body fat, which, if I’ve done my math correctly, makes me exactly 77.7% sexy. Good thing I have a bangin’ personality.

I honestly don’t know what this means for me, other than I am a middle aged woman with a normal shape. I already eat pretty healthy (except for the 6 weeks from Thanksgiving to New Year's) so I don’t actually expect this number to go down much.  I plan to continue my eating habits and maybe step up the cardio once it gets warmer. Then maybe I’ll be able to see my abs better and bounce a quarter off my ass. (#goals)

All in all, I’d probably do this regularly if it didn’t cost fifty bucks.  If my curiosity gets the best of me, I might do it again before Thanksgiving to see if it changes. But I’ll keep you updated.



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