I know you want me to make diet and exercise an important part of my lifestyle. If not for the optimal functioning of my vital organs, to live a full and happy life. And I get all that. But I have #priorities right now… and I just want to look good naked.
Dear Spin Class Instructor,
I appreciate your enthusiasm. And I see you yelling at the class to “push it”, even though your eyes are laser focused directly on ME. But I’m not aiming to ride in the Tour de France. I don’t even like France. I just want to look good naked.
Dear Kickboxing Coach,
Beating up on stuff is great stress relief. It’s a really great workout too. But I don’t have the aggression to be in the UFC. And missing teeth and cauliflower ear could ruin the modeling career I’ll never have. I’m just here because I want to look good naked.
Dear Nutrition consultant,
It’s great that you want me to eat plenty of antioxidants, vitamins, minerals, probiotics and micronutrients and shit. Someday, maybe my liver health could be something I really lose sleep over. But living to the ripe ol’ age of 115 isn’t really my move here. I just want to look good naked.
Dear Zumba Instructor,
I like your energy. And your sweet dance moves. But I have two left feet, a bum elbow and nerdy white girl’s rhythm. I’m not here to train as a backup dancer for Justin Timberlake. I just want to look good naked.
You’ve taught me so much. My Chakras are hella balanced. My Backward Dog (or whatever) is totally on point. I can put my ankles behind my neck and my neck between my butt cheeks. And for that, I am eternally grateful. But these skills could really be the gift that keeps on giving if I looked good naked. Namaste.
Dear Crossfit Coach,
I know you have big dreams for me. I could be the next double under wonder. A muscle up magician. A pistol princess or rope climb royalty. But I’m not really here to master any of that. I just want to look good naked.
Dear Personal Trainer,
I went on your diet plan. I followed your workout routine. My abs hurt and the broccoli gave me gas. And my ass still looks like it was caught in a hail storm. God help me, I JUST want to look good naked.
Sexy in a Snowsuit